contentment.

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Cor 12:10

At church this morning, Pastor Todd talked about embracing our weaknesses. How our normal reaction is to push the things that are our weaknesses away but that we should embrace them as it's then and there that Christ is able to demonstrate his strength and his over abundant provision. I was looking at this again tonight and thinking about how much this makes sense. Todd said that our strengths can actually become Christ's rivals as we depend on them instead of depending on Christ. And yet, when we're weak Christ is able to act and remind us how much we're dependent on Him. As I was looking at this again tonight I began to think about the word contentment.

How are we content and what does that even look like? This is a question I struggled with last year and it was then that I wrote the following. I came back to it again tonight and wanted to post this. My prayer is that as we learn to be more and more content in our circumstance and in who Christ is, we would rest in Him and more than anything abide in His amazing love.

Someone once told me that the way to be content in my situation was to be happy with what was on my side of the fence. The age-old analogy tells us that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence but I really just think it looks that way. As humans we always tend to look at what we don’t have and see it as better or improved. And yet, chances are everyone else is looking at our grass and thinking it’s the better pasture.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength.” Phil 4:11-13 (NIV)

“Not that I am implying that I was in any personal want, for I have learned how to be content (self-sufficient lit. Greek word autarkas) (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am. I know how to be abased and live humbly in straitened circumstances, and I also know how to enjoy plenty and live in abundance. I have learned in any and all circumstances the secret of facing every situation, whether well-fed or going hungry, having a sufficiency and enough to spare or going without and being in want. I have strength for all things in Christ who empowers me (I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength into me; I am self sufficient in Christ’s self-sufficiency).” Phil 4:11-13 (AMP)

As Christians we are not resigned to circumstances, we are content in them. To be content we need to believe God when He says He is strong in our weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”) With this knowledge we also need to rest in knowing He is God (Psalm 46:10-11, “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”) Paul learned to be content, there was a process and unwittingly a struggle in learning to be content in spite of imprisonment and everything else he faced throughout his time of ministry.

“Contentment, then, is the product of a heart resting in God. It is the soul's enjoyment of that peace which passeth all understanding. It is the outcome of my will being brought into subjection to the Divine will. It is the blessed assurance that God doeth all things well, and is, even now, making all things work together for my ultimate good. This experience has to be "learned" by "proving what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God" (Rom. 12:2). Contentment is possible only as we cultivate and maintain that attitude of accepting everything which enters our lives as coming from the Hand of Him who is too wise to err, and too loving to cause one of His children a needless tear.

Let our final word be this: real contentment is only possible by being much in the presence of the Lord Jesus... It is only by cultivating intimacy with that One who was never discontent that we shall be delivered from the sin of complaining. It is only by daily fellowship with Him Who ever delighted in the Father's will that we shall learn the secret of contentment.”

A.W. Pink

amazing grace

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.

When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see."

This is one of my favorite hymns which we actually sung Wednesday night this week at Crossfire, our youth group at church. It was beautiful for me to hear a new generation of youth singing a song that has been such a blessing to generations before. The words, and the grace of God doesn't change in any moment, and I was simply reminded at how amazing the gift of this grace is that we have.

christopher

We were back on campus this week for the first time since classes let up for exams in December and it was a super encouraging week. The atmosphere on the universities is one of tranquility as the number of students is down and the it simply feels like summer... because it is here! Juan Carlos and I went out sharing and met a young man named Christopher. He's a Christian and we had a chance to share with him about the Spirit filled life. It was simply a fun conversation as we got to know him a little more and asked he asked questions and we simply got to talk together about our lives. I had to run off for a lunch meeting but later that afternoon Juan Carlos looked at me and said, "did you hear what happened after lunch?" Christopher actually went sharing himself with Karina and Juan Carlos. I guess as they went out Juan Carlos was doing most of the talking but every now and again Christopher would engage in asking a question like, "how would you explain salvation?" ... questions that we had asked him only a couple hours before. And that was the entire tone of this week, one of encouragement as the entire team had the chance to meet new students and share with them the love of Christ. Steve even changed a tire for a young lady in law as Raquel talked with her about Christ. It was a great week! Please keep praying for us and for this summer semester. It's such a special time to be on campus, we're having a blast!

where we've been....

(the team at Christmas)

It's been a while.... a month actually and I'm amazed at how quickly time flies. Christmas came and went and in 2nd year Panama stint tradition we made a turkey and headed to the beach on Boxing Day. Christmas seemed really special this year as we went to a Christmas Eve service and even throughout Christmas Day we took time to pray and read the Christmas story. It was a great time of simply being together as I was reminded of how special Christmas is all year round.

From there I was blessed to be able to head back to Canada.... the land of crazy snow this year. I had a great time reconnecting with everyone even if it was freezing. I hadn't thought I was going to be able to go home and so every moment was special as it was an unexpected blessing to be home.

(back to snow in Canada!)(My dad, brother and I at home in High River)(Costa Rica... back to the sun!)

I flew directly into Costa Rica last Tuesday and the team (+ Mackenzie and Mark, Steve's friend and brother) had a great 5 days. For me it was a blast to reconnect with the team and have some good time to simply catch up and hear how everyone's time off had been. The weather wasn't great by any means but we made the best of it and spent one afternoon renting bikes and biking up the coast watching surfers and getting caught in sudden outbursts of rain. The 13 hour bus ride home on 3 buses was kinda a bummer but we made the best of it and arrived in Panama at 5:15am in good spirits. Crossing the border in itself was one of my favorite moments as we simply walked over a single lane bridge, got our passports stamped on both sides and we were good to go. Not a lot of security and the bridge itself was looked like it had seen some better days.

(crossing the border)

As I was waiting for the rest of the team to come through customs I had a chance to chat with some little boys, two brothers that worked cleaning shoes and watching suitcases and cars. They were in a great mood even though they were in such need. They put a smile on my face as they asked me how to say some things in English and asked about a Canadian nickle that one of the team members had give them. I think more than anything they reminded me how we need to be open and willing to take the time for the people that can surround us but that we sometimes don't even see.

a microwave... among other things....

(at the professor lunch)

Our team has been extremely blessed over the last couple of weeks. It all started a couple weeks ago with our professors luncheon. This is an annual event that the campus staff here holds for all the professors that help us with the ministry throughout the year. It was and is a great time to say thank you and to serve the professors but also to reflect back on the year and what's happened on campus. For me it was a great time to see how much support Vida Estudiantil has from the professors, non-Christian and Christian alike.

(Eliana, Mariesteli, Karina, Raquel and I at the professors lunch)

2 days after the professors luncheon the sheparding trip came. Steve and Robyn Strongitharm along with their two little boys AND (!!!) our vey own Jessica Fauvelle who was on my Stint team last year came to visit. The purpose of their trip was to bring a Canadian team to encourage our team here. We had a great time meeting up and talking about John 13-15 in our devotional times and about our goals and desires on campus. I learned a lot from Steve and Robyn and it was amazing to have Jessica back with our team. It felt like she was just naturally the seventh stint member which was awesome. We were able to travel to a mountain town called El Valle for a couple days of rest and reflexion. It was a huge blessing to get some down time as a a team but also to look forward and be challenged in my own thinking about my heart for this semester coming up and for the ministry here.

(The Stint team with Christmas goodies from Canada)

(Hiking in El Valle)

We came home for the weekend and were able to take Jessica along with our Stint team across to the other coast of Panama and visit some of the tourist sites there. It was a great day away and again I was amazed at this beautiful country that God has called us to be in.

(Fuerte San Lorenzo on the Caribbean coast)

(The team inside Fuerte San Lorenzo)

Monday morning the team again took off as we headed for a city called Santiago, about 3 hours away from Panama City. As we packed and loaded up again Karina commented that she couldn't help but feel like a traveling missionary. We spent 2 and a half days with the student ministry there. We were able to attend their Christmas party and some of the team had a chance to share their testimonies. It was great to reconnect with Marquis, Joanna and Duby who were on the team when we traveled to the Dominican Republic. We also had a chance to give some training on evangelism and having an eternal perspective and got to spend some time simply hanging out and getting to know the students there better. I was so encouraged by the group there. They seem like such a family and it was cool to meet students that the team had seen come to Christ on the Canadian project in May. Seeing how much they've grown and changed was super encouraging. One of these girls was a girl named Cielo. Cielo had prayed to receive Christ last May and since then she's been sharing her faith and taken a bigger role in VE on campus as she's been bringing her sister and friends out to VE events, and been growing as she spends time in the word and with the ministry in Santiago. God is doing an amazing wonder in her heart!

(Marquis, Jessica and I at the Christmas party in Santiago)

We headed home Wednesday afternoon and were able to make it home in time for the Crossfire Christmas party. Crossfire is the youth ministry at one of the churches we are involved with and I have an awesome group of grade 11 and 12 girls that I work with. The entire Crossfire team of leaders including our youth pastor have been so amazingly supportive of us. We showed up Wednesday and sitting on one of the tables were two microwaves for our team, one for the guys and one for the girls. Our youth pastor Mark had found us 2 microwaves. Now I have no idea where they had come from but it was such a huge encouragement for our team. It was just so neat to see how God provided something so simple for our team but something that we had wanted and hadn't had a chance to get. It was such a blessing for us and such an excitement!

(Juan Carlos and Derek with the new and much loved microwave)

Last night was our Vida Estudiantil Christmas party and as such the wrap-up for this semester and this school year here in Panama. We had a great time of eating together, singing together and remembering all the Christmas is for us. There was an open floor where students had a chance to share their testimonies about their year and how Vida Estudiantil had changed or encouraged them. 2 girls shared about how VE had become a family to them and how they had felt so alone before, like they hadn't had any true friends but how VE had become a place where they knew they were welcome and they knew people were there who cared and were praying for them. Along with hearing this I was simply encouraged to be with the students I knew so well and see both new and old faces. One of these new faces was a young man named Samuel that Derek and Raquel had seen come to Christ at the UTP campus. To meet him and to see his life was such a testimony to what God is doing here in Panama.

(gingerbread houses... I think this was a new experience for all...)

(the boys at the Christmas party)

(and the ladies...)

Merry Christmas!!!!!! I pray that Christ's joy and His blessing would be with you this holiday season.

Immanuel

This is an illustration my friend Jess wrote last year around Christmas time and one that I love.

"I learned about incarnation when I kept a salt water aquarium. Management of a marine aquarium I discovered, is no easy task. I had to run a portable chemical laboratory to monitor the nitrate levels and the ammonia content. I pumped in vitamins and antibiotics and sulfa drugs and enough enzymes to make rocks grow. I filtered the water through glass filters and charcoal and exposed it to ultraviolet light. You would think, in view of all the energy expended on their behalf, my fish would at least be grateful. Not so. Every time my shadow loomed over the tank they dove for cover into the nearest shell. The showed me only one emotion, fear. Although I opened the lid and dropped in food on a regular schedule three times a day, they responded to each visit as a sure sign of my design to torture them. I could not convince them of my true concern. To my fish I was deity. I was too large for them and my actions too incomprehensible. My acts of mercy they saw as cruelty; my attempts at healing they viewed as destruction. To change their perceptions, I began to see, would require a form of incarnation. I would have to become a fish and "speak" to them in a language they could understand."

The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel"—which means, "God with us."
Matthew 1:23

And this in itself was why Jesus came. There is no other way that we could never have been able to understand how a God so huge could love us and have our best interests at heart. And so our Immanuel came to be with us. A little baby boy. Because we can relate to a child and then to a man. Because we've all been there. The fact that Christ came and masked His deity to be fully man is amazing. I can never quite get my head around it. But my hope and prayer is that this Christmas I would get a fresh understanding of this love, and it would be this love in my heart that would overflow to those around me. And that you too would again begin to realize how much Christ loved you, for him to come to our fish tank as a fish, to show us how much he loved us.

you have something to give...

If there's one thing I am constantly reminded of it's that although Panama and Canada are so dramatically different, at the root level and at the basis of everything, we all have the same needs. The need to eat, breathe and importantly to be loved.

I was having lunch with two of my disciples in a food court on Wednesday when we were approached by 3 little boys asking for money for food. I think we had given 2 out of 3 boys some change to buy lunch when the 3rd boy came up to us. Andrea started asking him questions about where he lives, his name and age when suddenly she looked at him and asked, "do you know who Jesus is?" Andrea explained the gospel in one of the most beautiful and yet simple ways I had ever heard.

I keep coming back to the story of Peter and John in Acts where they heal a beggar outside the temple gate called Beautiful (in Acts 3). The beggar is asking for money but Peter says, "silver or gold I do not have but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth walk." The beggar was expecting money and he gets something so much greater. I thought about that on Wednesday. Because even though I had bought the three of them lunch and they were asking for food, I think what Andrea gave them was so much more. Because she told them God loves them, and has a plan for them, even if they don't see it. But it also made me realize how absolutely blessed we are. I had spent something like $12.00 on lunch for the three little boys. For me it wasn't a lot of money, but for them it was... one of the little boys I think had never been told he could pick off the menu whatever he wanted... and he just looked at me and said, "I just want a hamburger please." We have so so much to give. Sometimes its our money and sometimes its simply our time.

There's a man named Victor that is always on the university campus, I think he lives there. Yesterday as I was waiting for two of my girls to finish up some homework Victor approached me asking for help. He started mumbling something about a bible and as I asked him more I realized he was asking for a bible. I grabbed my Spanish new testament that was in my bag and as I handed it to him he looked at me and said, "this has the words of Jesus in it." We sat and talked for probably 15 minutes and honestly I didn't understand all of what he was telling me. But what I did understand broke my heart. He had been orphaned at a very young age and had worked until he got into an accident which ruined the use of his right hand and leg. And now he's unable to work and has no choice but to live homeless and relying on others for help. But I think Victor just wanted to talk. He wanted someone to see him and listen to him. And so I sat, and listened and even though I didn't understand everything, the smile he gave me at the end meant more to me than anything.

There are always opportunities to give of yourself. Of you time, your talents or your treasure. But we all have something as at different times it may be something else. But you always have so very much to give, wherever you are!

links to pics...

Alrighty... so if any of you are non-Facebook people, as promised here are the links to the pictures from project! Have fun!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=177850&l=f2c45&id=523285093
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=177840&l=54bce&id=523285093

so we've been back...

The project to the Dominican Republic last week was awesome! Every time I stopped and realized that we were actually there and that is was actually happening I was blown away. On one of our training nights two of the students shared a little bit about their experiences raising support. I had never heard the full stories before and so hearing them there was amazing. Isaac, one of the students had only had $165.00 of the $1500.00 raised less than one month before the trip, and yet there he was fully funded and on project. God has acted in the last weeks to bring him up to full support. And then there was Lorenzo who had months and months in advance been passing out support letters to everyone he knew. But then he didn't hear anything back and ended up telling God, "if you want me to go you'll bring in the finances because I don't know what else to do." The money started to come in and Lorenzo was one of the first students done support raising.
Everyone one of the students on project had an amazing story even simply to get them to the point of being on the project. But their stories didn't stop there. They continued to grow throughout the week and even now as we've been back in Panama. The project was made up of a little bit of everything and even though we had had a set schedule before we got there nothing ever stays the same. And so opportunity after opportunity came up as door after door opened up for our team to do things I never thought we would be doing. One of my favorite nights was Sunday evening when we had a chance to show the Jesus film in a rougher area of the city. We were told it was a slightly more dangerous area and to be careful. But as we stepped off the bus and looked the church there was in the process of setting everything up. We ended up shutting down a street and showing the film at a crossroads in the middle of the neighbourhood. More and more people kept coming and as the students shared testimonies and as we watched the film I was really encouraged. I had been really sick on the first couple of days and was under orders to rest which meant I wasn't able to go with the team to invite people, or help set up, or really do anything much at all. But as I waited in the church for my team to come back, more and more children came into the church. There was all of a sudden 7 or 8 little boys that broke out into band practice and later in the evening I simply sat with a little girl on my lap as we smiled and pointed at the movie together. That was really special to me. Because a lot of times when I'm sick I feel like I can't do anything. I can't do the things that everyone else is doing, and that's really difficult for me to handle. But as I was sitting there with these children I realized how much we are simply called to love those that God places in our paths. It was just another aspect of an amazing trip!

have ticket, will travel.

Well we're off... or almost! In less than 4 hours the entire stint team along with 10 Panamanians will be boarding a flight for Costa Rica as we head on route to the Dominican Republic. Excitement levels are high and we're all looking forward to seeing what God has in store for this trip. Please continue to keep us in your prayers over the next 10 days as this is a huge step of faith for not only the staff and students but for our Canadian team as well!

More details of the trip...

Saturday November 1- training and orientation of the city, training includes sessions such as sharing your personal testimony, evangelism brainstorming and practice sessions, spirit filled life...

Sunday November 2- church in the morning followed by an afternoon/evening showing of the Jesus film in a rural community outside of Santo Domingo

Monday November 3- Friday November 7- throughout the day we will be heading to the UASD (Universidad Autonomia Santo Domingo) campus for evangelism and outreach activities. We will be focusing in the humanities and arts faculties with the goal of reaching as many students with the gospel through various means and then engaging in initial follow-up. The hope and prayer is that by the end of the 5 days on campus we will be able to turn over a committed group of Christians (both new and old) to Layla and Prospero, the campus staff in the Dominican.

Evening activities include... a training session for students from the Dominican Republic, sharing the vision for Vida Estudiantil at a private campus, debriefing as a Panamanian team and a wrap-up party for all the students from the Dominican.

Friday evening and Saturday will be spent debriefing and bright and early Sunday morning we head back on a plane to Panama City!

I hope that gives you a little taste of what we'll be up to over the next 10 days so you can be praying for us in specific ways. I know I've said this before but this is a dream come true for so many of us in so many different ways! Thank you over and over for all your continued support, you've made a difference in my life, in the students here in Panama and now in the Dominican Republic too!

cracker vs. banquet

(my awesome small group!!)

The last weekend was the 9th annual Crossfire retreat in Chame and with it came all the craziness that normally accompanies 200 kids and 30 leaders heading away for the weekend. For me the best times of the weekend were the small group times where I had the chance to really connect with the 8 girls that make up my awesome group!! We had some good times of talking together and praying for each other but also laughing together and simply hanging out. It was both amazing and encouraging to see how God really unified our group over that weekend!

(the banquet table)

Saturday Mark (our youth pastor) talked our life before death and how this life is supposed to be one of abundance. Every student was passed two things, one was a simple cracker and the other a invitation to a banquet. Mark explained that the cracker they held in their hand symbolized the satisfaction that the world could give. The things that we had control over, but how just like a cracker they were only temporal satisfaction. A cracker can't satisfy your hunger and shortly after the initial taste only leaves you wanting more. Mark then turned the attention of the students to the side of the retreat room where a banquet table loaded down with various deserts was waiting. As the students were invited to walk past the table and look at what it had to offer Mark talked about the parable of the kingdom of God being like a banquet. How we are all invited but only a few choose to go and be at the table. It was a powerful metaphor to see played out in front of me. I think that so many times we settle for the cracker and the temporary satisfaction because thats the part that we have control over. We don't want to submit ourselves to preparing for the banquet would rather hold onto our cracker than risk coming to the banquet table and living an abundant life, because with that life comes surrender. And thats the scary part. All of the youth were invited to come forward and crumble their cracker into a garbage can to symbolize their commitment to Christ, whether it was a new decision to follow Him or a re-dedication to stop walking around the banquet table and away from God and to come back to his banquet.

(committments on a wall... there were so many amazing things!)

Sunday morning everyone, youth and leaders alike had the chance to write their committments on a wall... specific things that they were committing to do. My small group all wrote committments on the wall and I know that a lot of them were afraid to fail. But more than a fear of failure they all really wanted to see God change them and change those around them. "The kingdom of God is like..." was repeated a lot this weekend but my favorite fill in to this blank came from the girls in my small group.... "The kingdom of God is like a party!" And we're all invited to the feast, an abundant life in Christ. It's John 10:10 all over again.

(small group shot #2)

And so the question that has been posed to me numerous times this week (and one that I love!!) is this.... are you living the kingdom?

it´s actually happening.

(the team in training!!)

Saturday morning rolled around last weekend and instead of a typical morning to sleep-in our Stint team was up and at it! Along with 7 other Panamanian students and our Panamanian staff members, our team helped out with a 5 hour training and preparation session for the upcoming project to the Dominican Republic. It was the first time that the students from Panama City and the 2 that are coming from Santiago had been all together and as we laughed and learned together I couldn´t help but think to myself... its actually happening.

The dream of a Panamanian partnership has always been there. But I don´t think that any of thought it would actually happen this soon. Even last year as some of the stint team went to the Dominican Republic with two of the Panamanian staff for a scouting and vision trip I still felt like the whole thing was a dream. But as I´ve been putting together the student manual and working on logisitics with the staff team its finally starting to feel like reality. We leave in less the a week and the excitement is starting to grow! I was sitting with Karina on the national campus one day this week when Lorenzo, one of the students coming on project came up to us. He had just recieved his passport and his visa for the Dominican Republic and was so excited simply to show it to us. And so its happening... we're going!

(the whole team (minus duby and oliver) all together!)

A couple of details and prayer requests:
1. We're leaving on the 31st (this Friday!) and connecting through Costa Rica en route to Santo Domingo
2. We'll be focusing on the UASD campus, the largest national campus and the oldest one in the western hemisphere.
3. Some of the students are still finishing up support raising... please pray that the rest of their support comes in!
4. There's a fundraiser concert Sunday night... please pray that this goes well!
5. Please pray that we would be unified as a team and love both each other and all the students and people we will be coming into contact with!!

pablo the pavo/turkey

(Steve discovering some yummy turkey parts...)

("pablo all said and done...)

Canadian Thanksgiving came and went on Monday and with it a great 3 hour meal together as a team. Steve and I tag teamed the turkey making bliss and combining some old school family traditions had a blast cooking up the feast for the team. But as we continue to eat leftovers (and let me tell you there's lots!!) I've continued to be thinking about so many things that I have to be thankful for.

(The Driedegers and Yenkana's that came to visit me....!)

God just blows me away with the people that he puts in my life, both in my relationships here in Panama and at home. Sometimes relationships are hard to maintain over distance but even this week something happened that gave me so much confidence in knowing that God's at work even over many miles as I continue to be both challenged and encouraged by my loved ones at home. And then there's everyone here. My team is absolutely amazing. The combination of our skill sets and just the different personalities both cracks me up and amazes me continually. At times it feels like we were always the little family that our Stint team is. Then there's these amazing girls that I've been discipling who both encourage me and challenge me to love deeper and continue to seek more in my own relationship with the Lord. Even this last weekend I had some supporters visit from Canada on their way home from Paraguay. Spending time with them over the last weekend was restful and super encouraging as we were able to share with each other what has been on our hearts and how we've seen God move all over the world.

(3 of the beautiful girls that I disciple... from Interamericana)

I've just been reminded how God is always at work and this morning I had such a crystal clear reminder of that. The girls and I were transporting supplies to campus so we decided to take a taxi instead of the bus this morning. As we got in the cab our taxi driver starting asking us questions about where we're from and what we were doing in Panama. My first reaction was that I was barely awake enough to have a deep conversation in Spanish but as we were able to share a bit of our hearts for the students at the universities I quickly woke up. Raquel asked Fidel (our taxi driver) about his own beliefs and he launched into this crazy story of a literal near death experience with a extremely bad car accident and his super difficult recovery from this. He went on and explained his experiences with all of this and wrapped the whole thing up saying he was afraid to go to church because he didn't want to fail God. Here was a man who has struggled with physical pain from many years but also a deep spiritual pain and fear of coming to God even though he wanted to so much. He glanced back at me in the rear-view mirror and his eyes were filled with such sadness and loss. Our taxi ride came to a rapid end but Raquel pulled out a booklet we use when we share our faith and left it with Fidel, telling him that this book explains how to have a personal relationship with God and inviting him and his family to come to church with us on Sunday. It was like something lit inside of him as Fidel gave us this brilliant smile. For me it seemed like he was so excited to have something in his hands that explained how he could have this relationship he so desperately wanted, this peace that he was seeking and that he would never be left behind or forsaken by this God. I stepped out of the cab into the brilliant sunshine, humbled that God had simply let me be in that cab that morning. Because I'm nothing special, but I know more than anything that I want to be used where God places me and this morning he placed me in the back of Fidel's cab.

I was reminded of Acts 3. Peter and John heal a lame beggar at the Beautiful Gate. The beggar is looking for money but Peter and John say to him, "I have no silver and gold, but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!" Fidel didn't charge us anything this morning for our cab ride. It was as if this other thing we gave him, this little piece of our own hearts was worth something so much more.

dias de fe... days of faith

(some of the ladies at the anniversary dinner)

I always think things won't be as busy as they always are. And the last couple weeks haven't been any different. They've been busy but more at the same time completely rewarding. It all kicked off with the 42nd anniversary dinner of Crusade here in Panama. It was an encouraging time to look back at where the movement has come from but at the same time look ahead to where not only the campus ministry is going but also to where the other branches of the ministry are heading.

(las chicas with the "week of values" banner at UTP)

Monday morning dawned bright and clear and with the start of our theology class on, "Christ, Man and Salvation." Its been an interesting class and I've been enjoying learning more about the basics... and realizing that they're not really that basic at all. Tuesday came around and with it the kick-off of "Dias de Fe," or "Days of Faith" at the Tecnologica university (or UTP as we call it). The administration at UTP had implemented a week of values at UTP and we'd (Vida Estudiantil) had been invited to participate in this.

(one of the shots from the concert on Wednesday)

What did that look like? 30 some odd classroom talks on building successful relationships in first year lecture halls and an estimated 600 (at least!!) exposures to the gospel over this time. We were able to throw a concert on Wednesday and the lectures continued over Thursday and Friday. I felt like we had open heavens over us as the administration ushered us into classrooms and announced we would be sharing something that was important for the students to hear. I've never been so openly invited into lecture halls, it was amazing. I was super encouraged as not only was the campus staff team present, but all of the staff from Cruzada. So every day 20 of us or so would descend on UTP, it was sheer insanity and I loved it! We had a great time sharing our faith and it was so cool to see everyone coming together.

(one of the shots from the concert on Wednesday)

Please be praying for all the students that were exposed to the gospel over the last week. The staff team at UTP is small but committed to beginning the long and slightly overwhelming process of following up all the students that indicated interest in hearing more about what it means to have a relationship with God. The task is huge but we know that the Lord is bigger!!

(one of the comment cards from my classroom talk... I actually had a chance to meet up with this girl... but thats another story!)

humanity and deity.

The whole team has been taking a theology course over the last week and into this week and looking at "Christ, Man and Salvation." It's been heavy material to take in Spanish at 8am but I've been learning a lot and have being challenged to think on concepts I normally think I grasp. And reading through some material this morning I was encouraged by something and just wanted to pass it along....

"Here is a man who was born in an obscure village, the child of a peasant woman. He grew up in another obscure village. He worked in a carpenter's shop until he was thirty, and then for three years He was an itinerant pastor. He never wrote a book. He never held an office. He never owned a home. He never had a family. He never went to college. He never traveled two hundred miles from the place where He was born. He never did one of the things that usually accompany greatness. He had no credentials but Himself. He had nothing to do with the world except the power of His divine manhood. While still a young man, the tide of popular opinion turned against Him. He was turned over to His enemies. He was nailed on a cross between two thieves. His executioners gambled for the only piece of property He had on the earth while He was dying- His coat. When He was dead, He was taken down and laid in a borrowed grave through the pity of a friend. And on the third day He rose from the dead. Nineteen centuries have come and gone, and today He is the centerpiece of the human race and the leader of the column of progress. I am far within the mark when I say that all the armies that ever marched, and all the navies that ever were built, and all the parliaments that ever sat, and all the kings that ever reigned put together have not affected the life of man as powerfully as has that One solitary life The explanation? He is the Son of God, the risen Saviour."

-Phillips Brooks, 19th cent. preacher

there was an earthquake... seriously...

So apparently last night there was an earthquake. Which explains why I woke up at about 12:30 and in a groggy state remember thinking to myself that it felt like my entire bed was vibrating. Confusion reigned and I fell back to sleep thinking nothing of it until the boys brought it up tonight. Apparently I wasn't hallucinating and I lived through my first earthquake ever... that and both of my roommates slept through it. Apparently it wasn't that bad.

monday+ apartment tour

Yesterday was my 23rd birthday and we had a great weekend at the beach on Saturday and on back in the Panama City yesterday in a 2 day blitz of birthday celebrations. And now... Monday has come and with it a little bit of everything. Today (and really for the rest of the month) the focus is evangelism... and more evangelism. Derek and I went out sharing this morning and ended up wandering through the economics faculty... a little bit of foreign ground for me. We ended up having two great conversations with a couple of students, one in economics and the other in tourism. For me it was a completely different experience to be translating for Derek as he asked question after question and I scrambled to find my Spanish vocabulary to relay everything on. Even still I left today feeling encouraged... that we're communicating and at the same time simply getting to know these students. Asking about their trials and joys and not going in with a motive to say certain things but to simply love the students and let it be the love of Christ that really ministers to their hearts. So... its been another day and its still going but it was a great start to a long week! And.... the september update is on the way this week with more details so keep your eyes peeled in your mailbox! :)

And now for the long awaited apartment tour.. .a little fast, I got dizzy but hopefully it'll do the trick to give you a little taste of our Panamanian abode.

one more year...

(living room windows... )

(a sunny view out the living room... more pics to come)

So... back in Panama and getting used to all over again everything... the spanish, the traffic, the heat. It has been such a blessing to arrive and have an apartment, electricity, internet and all the other things my team worked so hard to set up. Our apartment is such a blessing! We're in a quieter area of the city but still close to buses, groceries and everything we can need. There's even a massive park across the street that we can jog in and play soccer or frisbee in. As I've had a couple of days to settle in and unpack its been a huge blessing to have this weekend to chill before we get on campus full time tomorrow... which is super exciting. I've been reading through the book of Job and found a passage that really spoke to me;

"How great is God—beyond our understanding! The number of his years is past finding out. He draws up the drops of water, which distill as rain to the streams; the clouds pour down their moisture and abundant showers fall on mankind. Who can understand how he spreads out the clouds, how he thunders from his pavilion? See how he scatters his lightning about him,bathing the depths of the sea. This is the way he governs the nations and provides food in abundance. He fills his hands with lightning and commands it to strike its mark. His thunder announces the coming storm; even the cattle make known its approach."
Job 36:26-33

I think sometimes I forget the majestic character of God. In chapter 38 of Job the Lord finally speaks to Job and asks him question upon question. As I read through those I realized that there's no way I could answer any of them. I can't control the constellations (38:31) or the storehouses of snow (38:22) and yet God in His power can. And yet He loves us. In all of our weaknesses and imperfection He simply loves us. In Matthew 11 He calls the weary and burdened to come to Him and find rest. And so.... in the middle of settling back into a strange and yet familiar culture I was quieted by His love this afternoon as I realized in spite of His majesty He loves me and desires to call me His own.

testimonies of the heart.

Sorry its been so long everyone... my apologies... I thought it would be easier to keep this updated back in Canada... I was obviously wrong.

It’s been a whirlwind of a month complete with its emotional highs and lows as I’ve battled through some feelings of loneliness being away from my team, frustration with support raising and simply wondering whether I would ever feel ready to go back to Panama again, let along in less than two months. But as I’ve been reading through the word my bible reading plan has brought me to some books I haven’t read in a while and has really taught me something....

We need to remember the good things God has done in our lives!

All throughout the old testament and especially when the Israelites were in exile and finally as they were able to return to and rebuild Jerusalem, they were faced with obstacles upon obstacles as they opposed by the peoples of the land and even by their own tendencies to fall back into their paths of sin. But all throughout books like Ezra and Nehemiah the people were reminded by their prophets and leaders (Ezra and Nehemiah among them) off all the things that God had done for them, promised to them and delivered them from. Even throughout Isaiah you see reminders to the people to remember who god is and that He will not forsake them.

As I transitioned into some of the later psalms I saw this same trend of remembrance come out. Psalm 119 is laced with this ideal.

"Your testimonies are my heritage forever, for they are the joy of my heart." (vs.111)

"Your testimonies are wonderful; therefore my soul keeps them." (vs.129)

"But you are near O Lord, and all your commandments are true. Long have I known from your testimonies that you founded them forever." (vs.151-152)

And the list could go on and on. I found a lot of strength from these verses as in the middle of my sorrow or despair I simply needed to look back and remember what the Lord had done in my life. All the times He's provided for me and provided in abundance, all the times He's guided me and kept me from stumbling and all the times He's simply showered blessing into my life because He loves me. I think that its in looking back that I'm able to deal with going forward.

lessons.

I've been learning a lot over the last couple of weeks. And if anything getting more and more of a perspective on how deeply the last 10 months in Panama has both affected me and changed me. I've been visiting supporters over the last weeks and hearing over and over, "you've changed," even though no one's really been able to nail down what exactly it is that's different. Even though I feel like the same person I know that there's something different.

I think more than anything this year I've learned both the beauty and the pain in the necessity of communication. I've never liked to talk about feelings, ever since I've been little. I'd rather bury my own emotions and deal with them on my own than bringing other people in. But this year I was really forced to examine this and change this. Communication is so very vital to any relationship and I know that as a team we learned this over and over again. I don't like confrontation and again this year I had to learn that it was okay. I don't really like rocking the boat so to speak but I learned that sometimes its necessary.

Another blessing from this year was simply being a part of what God's done and is continuing to do in Panama. I look back at all the crazy things that happened but through all the mass events I can see how clearly God was orchestrating every single tiny event. How He's deeply changing so many lives around me. So even as I come back and am still trying to figure out whats different in me, I know that He's changed those around me and it was a humbling blessing to get to be a little part of that.