I couldn't help but think of Panama this morning as I stepped out onto my porch. It was overcast and in Calgary that generally means snow. But yet instead it was warm and surprisingly humid. It reminded me of Panama and the rest of the afternoon I couldn't stop thinking about being back. I am so so excited and looking forward to being back in Panama City. In many ways I still don't think that it's completely sunk in that I'm actually leaving and yet I'm ready to be on that plane. Well not quite... but soon enough!

The first of the good-byes...

So last night a friend of mine came over for dinner and some hang out time. He's headed to Europe for a couple of months which is awesome... the only down side is that I won't be in the country when he gets back here. It was weird to say good-bye and realize I won't see him for over a year. But that's okay and that's how it'll be with everyone as I prepare myself to leave.

I was thinking about it last night as I was doing my devotional time (in the book of Acts again... good times!) but wondering how Jesus prepared his disciples for him being away. Then I realized that Jesus was in a completely different situation. He left the disciples physically yes but not spiritually and that's cool. The disciples still had his presence but I bet it was rough in those first days when Jesus was dead and buried. They had known something was coming but it was not at all the "kingdom" that they thought Jesus would be leaving behind. Interesting, its definately a thought in process but it'll come in time... and I'll learn how to say good-bye in my own way too!

Yesterday was my convocation from university and it was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and I didn’t trip on my heels going across stage so altogether the whole things was a major blessing. So that combined with the beautiful piece of paper that means I officially have my Bachelors of Science degree. Four years and it all comes down to that. Crazy when it all comes into perspective that’s for sure. I’m sure I’ll have more to say on that as the summer gets on but right now something else is up;

We have one of those tear-off calendars that has a thought or quote every day by an author called Max Lucado. The one below is from a couple of days ago but really hit me one morning in my pre-fully awake phase:

“We have all wandered away like sheep: each of us has gone his own way”
Isaiah 53:6

How could a loving God send people to hell?... God does not “send” people to hell. Nor does he send “people” to hell… The word “people” is neutral, implying innocence. Nowhere does Scripture teach that innocent people are condemned. People do not go to hell. Sinners do. The rebellious do. The self-centered do. So how could a loving God send people to hell? He doesn’t. He simply honors the choice of sinners.

Max Lucado

Interesting hey??? I’ve never really heard it put that way but I think that it challenges an old idea that God sends people to hell. Yes we have a just God who judges us but does he choose to send us to heaven or hell? I don’t think so. I’m still mulling this over because its a new thought for me, but it made me think for sure.

I was at a youth conference a couple of weeks ago with my church youth group and a band called Delirious? played a killer concert. This song really blew me away and I've been listening to it over the last couple of days. It's just such a beautiful song of surrender and I wanted to share the lyrics with you guys.

Take Off My Shoes

I’ll take off my shoes, I’m coming in,
Untie this rope, I’m staying with him,
Love of my life, I’ll live and die,
Just for the moments for my king and I.

Why did you call, why did you wait,
For someone so guilty, someone so fake.
There are no words for my beautiful song,
Now I’m in the arms of my beautiful one.

Hold me, blow all the pride from my bones, with your fire.
Hold me, breathe on this heart made of stone, keep it pure.
Hold me, saviour of heaven and earth, King forever.
Hold me, love of my life lead me on,
Through the fire, lead me on...

I’ll take off this crown and fall at your feet,
The secret of joy are the moments we meet.
How could a man with all of your fame,
Pull me from darkness and call me by name.

So hold me today, as I carry your cross,
Into the desert to find who is lost.
Look at my hands, they’re still full of faith,
God keep them clean till we finish the race.

Written by Delirious? ©2005 Curious? Music UK

So for those of you who have been following along with me as I get ready to go back to Panama this is just a thought I was thinking about last night. I tend to journal a lot, especially as part of my devotional time and when I was in Panama this became an area to tease me (all in good fun of course!). My friend Jordi especially always wanted a journal reading of what was happening and what I had written down. So here's a snapshot of what I was thinking about last night, just something I had quickly written and wanted to share with you guys;

Romans 4:20-21 "Yet he (Abraham) did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what he had promised."

I love that verse, fully persuaded of Gods power and Gods character. Realizing and acknowledging God for who he is, so loving and so far beyond any idea of human capability. Abraham's body and Sarah's too was beyond the human capability to bear children and yet Abraham was fully, completely and wholeheartedly convinced of Gods capability to reach beyond that. He was strengthened throughout this process. Sometimes I want things to be easy, my relationships, my job, my future plans, and yet God doesn't work within these expectations. Beyond human capability, without God I can't do anything, especially that which he calls me too. And yet through him I'm made strong and capable but not at all own my own. Gods the capable one.

I love and I mean absolutely love the timing that God has. Now thats not everyday because sometimes I get frustrated but when it comes down to it his timing is always the best. Now here's the story;

In my third year of university I went sharing on campus (out talking with students about spirituality) and Jill and I met this awesome girl. I ended up meeting up with her the next week and we talked about faith and Christianity for like three hours until both of us were late for class. The following year (my fourth) I would run into her a lot and we'd chat and grab coffee and somehow the conversations always would come back to Christianity and her thoughts on the whole thing. It was like she was always so close to meeting God but there was something holding her back, she needed God to show himself to her. She left for Australia right after Christmas and was gone but still totally on my heart. Tonight I signed into msn for a completely different reason and she found me online. She's back in Calgary and the typed line that meant so much to me was this, "I found God in Australia Lindsey." This blew me away. The seeds that God had planted so long ago and had been being watered through prayers over continents finally sprouted. But as we plan on reconnecting this week for lunch and catching up I'm just dumbfounded by how gently and patiently God works on our hearts no matter where we are in our walk with him.

So my friends, be encouraged. We never know where and when God is at work but he is and he desires to blow us away with his timing. Seeds take time to grow, some quicker and some slower than others. But they grow.

Alrighty, so tomorrow morning our MET (Ministry Essentials Training) Team will be getting comissioned at headquarters in Langley. That's really exciting but in a way it feels like it's happening too fast. My roomate relates the whole thing to being on a reality show. We get faced with challenges and deadlines and she keeps thinking that someone is going to get voted off the island. But she states that's good because she doesn't really want to lose anyone... me either. But honestly it has been a crazy 8 days and the whole thing culminates tomorrow morning. Cool.

Staff, servant leadership, BBQ, and realizing something new;

As of the Thursday coming, I will be a fully comissioned staff member of Campus Crusade for Christ. That is something that I never ever would have thought would have happened. With going to Panama I was given (with a whole lot of grace) permission to go as an intern even though I'm a full staff member. It's definately a little confusing. Actually it technically means I'm a clergy member which is kind of nuts but more later....

Tonight all of us here at MET (Ministry Essentials Training) had the invitation to go the president of Campus Crusdae for Christ Canada's house for dinner. As he BBQ'd burgers for us and sat with us and heard testimonies from our own lives I was blown away again by the type of organization that I am going to work for. It was such an example of servant leadership. The first night we were here, our president cast vision to us on a large scale. I totally agree with him 100% and am so so excited to be a part of something so much larger than me. But the next morning he talked to our group about the importance of keeping your relationship with God a priority in our lives. He said something to the extent of "guys, you can throw all the vision out the window if our walks with God is not where our priority is." It was such an encouragement to hear that coming from our leader and bascially my "big boss man," or as he states it the "big servant man." It's really hard to put this all into words but it's coming slowly.

Time and time God is completely humbling me. This is such an amazing group of people that I am blessed to be here with and they blow me away day after day. I'm realizing that although national campus ministry may not be where I see myself for the rest of my career, I am fully committed to the fulfillment of the Great Comission and I'm here until God calls me somewhere else. I think that might just make me a lifer but really who knows??

Today for me it was the realization that this is what I want to commit my life to. There is no greater thing than seeing people come alive in the love of Christ, its such a beautiful thing and there is nothing worth more than that. All the pain, stress and worries that I may face pales in the comparison of seeing someone come into a knowing relationship with Christ. Its simply worth everything.

With all my love,

Lins

My bad.... its been a while and this one will be short. But (!!!!) last day of classes which is awesome, it's been a crazy four years and its nuts in that my degree is finally over, well other than finals I guess. So... Happy Bermuda Shorts Day everyone, its a U of C thing!! On that note, I had surgery on Tuesday so I am no longer a bionic women, no more titanium in my leg and hopefully that will be the last surgery.... but it'll be weird not to set off metal detectors at the airport anymore..... :)

Why are we uncomfortable in the face of someone who needs something that we can give? A young man interrupted my religious studies class last week first wondering where the bathroom was and next asking for a bus ticket or change to get home (my class is downtown in a cultural center). No one knew what to do, my prof laughed out loud and laughter rippled through the room until people started reaching for wallets and change and one girl finally pulled out a bus ticket. What is it that gets people to that state? Deep down there is a discomfort when faced with the pain of suffering and being uncomfortable in the face of someone who doesn’t have what we sit there having. I’m sitting in this course, paying close to five hundred dollars to hear my prof lecture on perspectives of suffering in religion, we’re faced with someone in need and no one knows what to do.

I had a flashback to an afternoon in Panama where our team was on the adventure cycle and eating lunch in a grocery store cafeteria. An old man walked slowly up and down the aisles in the café, not asking for anything and not looking for anything, just slowly walking. But, he absolutely broke my heart. The clothing, the dirtiness, just the absolute emptiness in his eyes and his steps. He sat down in a little booth a couple of tables away, and again I had no idea what to do. I was too emotionally choked up to make a move and still conversation flowed all around me. I asked my friend Jon to go and buy him some lunch which he did and sat down and talked to him for a minute or two. I have no idea what was said even still but the moment continues to stick with me even now.

Last night I was reading in Luke when Jesus performs a miracle and raises the widow’s dead son from the dead. Verse 13 states that “when the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her…” This is one of my favorite passages. Jesus’ heart moved with compassion for the pain and suffering that this woman was going through. He loves us so much and I think it pains him when we suffer, whatever exactly that means. But his heart still moves in response to our pain and that gives me the strength and encouragement. I’m a tenderhearted person and if you spend a lot of time with me you’ll find that I am really prone to tears when something touches my heart. I get what this verse is saying, it totally hits home for me. Our hearts need to move when someone is in pain, and sometimes we need to take a step of faith and act with compassion towards those around us. Matthew 9:36 says when Jesus saw the crowds he had compassion on them. It’s when our hearts aren’t moved by those around us that I think we have a problem. I think my favorite bible character is King David and largely because he was a man after Gods heart. I want to be a woman after the heart of the Father and I pray that continually he remolds and reshapes my heart, so that I’m passionate what God is passionate about and that the things that break his heart would also break mine too. I know that this is kind of a heavy thought, it’s just been on my heart for a while, let me know what you think.

August 13, 2007- leave to Toronto for STINT training
August 17, 2007- leave for Panama

Wow.

Tagged... 5 things you'll know now...

So Sarah (one of my fellow STINT team members) has "tagged" me... which means I need to come up with 5 things that no one knows about me and post them, so... let me see, (Sarah I'll try and make these good seeing as we'll be roomies for a year):

1. I'm horrified of mice/rats- I can handle bugs, snakes etc. but the little mice absolutely give me the creeps. I think it dates back to the "Great Mouse Detective" movie by Walt Disney.... anyone seen that cartoon and then at the end the villain, "Rattigan" or whatever his name was goes all crazy on the London Clock Tower... anyone.... anyone.... but my zoology prof thought it was hilarious in the lab when we had to work with rats, no fun at all.

2. When I was little and my brother and I were playing, I would simply sit on him until I got what I wanted... man I wasn't a nice older sister... but he can kick my butt now without trying, although he never really needs to. :)

3. I'm not a very confrontational person. I tend to run away from situations in which there could be conflict and would rather let myself get stomped all over than offend someone else. But, I'm aware of this which means I'm realizing that conflict can actually have good results and really build relationships and that they're not all bad.

4. I've always wanted to live in England. Even before I had actually been there I simply wanted to go to England. I loved it when I was there 2 years ago and somewhere down the road I'd like to go back, whether to work on a campus there with C4C or go back for my masters... but we'll see what happens...

5. I hated being called "lins" for the longest time. I'm not sure why but it would annoy me when people didn't call me lindsey. But, I'm completely over it and sign everything with my nickname. In high school all my close friends called me LD.... so whatever works is cool with me.

I think thats all. It took me a while to come up with those...

There's sure a lot going on, but in a lot of ways thats to be expected during the last months of school. Friday at our weekly meeting for Campus for Christ a guy named Eric Rose talked about a couple of things that have really been on my heart since then. Just wanted to post them to get them off my chest;

Evangelism is not just a passion for God but it's an urgent passion. It's not just something we can do whenever but there is a time frame that we're in and every day that we have is crucial to making a difference. Evangelism was and is the priority for Jesus when he was on the earth and continues to be on Gods heart today. This is what really blew me away, and definately caused me some thought, if evangelism is God's priority why should mine be any different? That really threw down the challenge to me, let me know what you guys think... until then, much love, be blessed!

(P.S. And Sarah I'm working on my 5 things you guys don't know about me... it's pretty hard actually... but coming soon I hope... )

It's been a while since I actually posted something. Just got home from reading week in BC, spending some time with my family. Lots more to say and a tonne of interesting stuff happened but right now studying for midterms... more to come this week!

These are some pictures from Deception Pass in the States, I was happy, we saw the ocean!!


I lovingly call these "Jesus clouds"- they were absolutely beautiful!

Just a crazy reflection on a lake near the pass, again it was a beautiful blessing of a day!

In the middle of my religious studies class I suddenly remembered this night I was in London. I had gone to an early church service at the Hillsong church and was killing time and trying to find some dinner. I honestly think I just got off at a random subway station that didn’t look too sketchy and just went for a walk. I had had an absolutely beautiful day on my own, went to St. Paul’s cathedral and was blown away by the beauty of it. Went to the London Bridge, picked up a bagel at a random little coffee shop and just enjoyed the time I had. I remember finally finding a fish and chips place and sitting outside at a little table eating. It was a gorgeous evening. I sat there in that moment, just enjoying the fact that I was finally in London and totally blessed by that. It’s hard to explain but I was just watching, looking and living in the moment that God had given to me.

I think there are a lot of these moments that we have. Days and instances when we’re struck by something more than we are on our own. For me they’ve been driving to school in the fall with the falling leaves and all the color, standing on the ocean shore, cuddled up in a chair during a ferry crossing, walking with my dog in the country and seeing the clear night sky. I’m grateful for these moments and blown away sometimes by being in them. They pass as time continues, but for a second there’s a glimpse of something more, more love than I can comprehend, more beauty than I can imagine and in a lot of ways a plan and will better than I will ever understand.

Lots going on... but in the middle of everything:

Whatever faith may be, and whatever answers it may give, and to whomsoever it gives them, every such answer gives to the finite existence of man an infinite meaning, a meaning not destroyed by sufferings, deprivations, or death. Leo Tolstoy

Just a thought.

I'm OFFICIALLY (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) going on STINT in Panama. This is awesome!!! Haha I have the biggest grin on my face right now and my genetics essay is going to be way harder to get finished tonight now, haha oh well, totally worth it, wow God is cool! I totally needed this after the week I just had..... :)

There is simply a lot going on and its kinda all combining together into a big mess, well not really a mess.... but you probably know the feeling. I woke up yesterday and the sky was glowing this weird red-orange color. In my dazed stupor that is me when I wake up, the initial confusion wore off and I just remember thinking that I really wanted to see a Panamanian sunset or sunrise, and just praying and telling God that I am ready to go. Steps are in motion to be joining staff and going for some training in May so that's going to be intense but I'm really looking forward to seeing the plans that God has for my life come into play. Still waiting on "formal acceptance" for the team, but then I'm ready to rock!

The first couple of days of the semester were a little insane but life is slowly back down to a normal but still hectic pace. C4C is gearing up for our major outreach of the semester and I think that it is definately going to push the comfort level for a lot of us. Porn Nation: Pure Freedom (the event) examines the hyper-sexualization of our culture and how this affects our lives as students. It's really going to hit home for a lot of people, but at the same time I think in many ways its an issue in which we as Christians dodge around. No one really likes to talk about the whole thing so I know its going to be a challenge for a lot of us. But we'll see, it's going to bo good and I know that theres a lot to be said for being uncomfortable. It's meeting people where they're at and going from there.

School had begun again and its finally sinking in that this is the last semester. God and I had what I jokingly call an argument at Winter Conference about me joining staff with Campus for Christ. I know that it's what God is calling me to do and things at the grad seminar at conference popped up about unmet needs. C4C is on only 27 out of the top 40 campuses in Canada and the campuses we have staff on are not even all fully staffed. That to me signifies an unmet needs, thousands of them when you think about the individual students on those campuses.

Today I was thinking about the whole thing and really starting to realize that although I believe that Gods will is good and perfect for my life, it's still is sometimes not the easiest thing to follow or even what I want to do. My pastors wife told me on Sunday that you never feel capabale and you never feel equipped but still the call (to ministry) is the greatest and most amazing thing ever. Not of course to say that God is calling all of us to full time ministry but that the call to be doing his work is the greatest thing ever. Not necessarily the easiest, or even the most straightforward, but the best. I choose to believe that his plans are good for my life, and I'll hold onto that tight. STINT, then staff, I honestly never would have thought, but I guess thats the cool things about God, we just never really know do we?