#100.

A new school year...
Coming up is a lot of firsts for our staff team here in Panama City.... a new (and first ever here) servant team, the first leadership retreat, the first frosh week, and a new "look" for our campus ministry.

A new look...
Looking at the logo above you might notice something a little bit different. "Green???" you might say... "whats up with that? what happened to the red?" Many of the political parties at the Universidad de Panama use red combined with some combination of black, white and yellow. The political parties at the university are extremely active, especially in the law faculty, which is one of our key faculties. And so... to distinguish ourselves all together we've decided to change the color altogether to green, a color not used by any of the visible student groups on campus... at least as far as we can tell.

The frosh approach...
Rapidly approaching in t-12 days is our frosh week at the Universidad de Panama. Yesterday, the four of us Canadians that work at the national campus met up to brainstorm and get on the same page for this crazy week of activities. First year students are always key to a ministry. When a student gets involved in their first year they then have four years to both be built into and trained but then also to turn around, reaching out to those around them and then taking leadership in the movement. So from the 24-27th of March we're targeting the frosh. Whether it's carnival style games, information tables, a concert and prayerfully a concert; we're praying for salvation and for new students to get hooked into and full heartedly committed to reaching their campus for Christ.

P.S. This is post #100. Thanks to everyone that's stuck with me this far. That's pretty special.

Reminded why I'm here...

This morning I took my dad to the airport and as I said good-bye I felt pretty homesick. As much as I miss my family and friends I'm able to talk to them and keep in touch but there's a chunk of me that misses Canada. That misses what is still deep down still my home. But tonight as I get ready for what looks to be another crazy week I'm reminded of why I'm here and how much I love it.. even when it's rough sometimes. Yesterday and today I've been getting calls and text messages from the two of the Panamanian students that I'm discipling here. Just simply to say they missed me. Don't get me wrong, that's nothing to do with me and everything to do with God and what He's been doing and continues to be doing in their lives. But as I've talked with them and with other students this last week they show me why I'm here. Last week our team (minus one) headed to campus to share our faith and with being an odd number I really felt like I wanted to stay back and pray as the other four headed out. I was sitting in a really uncomfortable spot so as I went to move to a bench I spotted a girl sitting alone on a bench. I felt God whisper "go talk to her" and so I headed over to say hello, wondering more than that what I was going to say. BUT (!!!) sure enough she's a Christian about to enter her first year in architecture and not only that she spoke fluent English. I was totally blown away and taken aback. If I had stayed in my comfort zone I would have sat on the bench and not said hello. Instead I have a new friend, Jissella, in my life and a lunch date set up with her to explain a little bit more about what we do and to challenge her to get involved.

God has brought people into my life in crazy ways and each of them are so special to me. This week I'm getting to reconnect with the students that have been key in my life the last semester and gear them up for this new semester... frosh week is on the way!

Jericho... Day 1.

Tonight was the first night of 7 days of prayer for the campus ministry here in Panama. For the 6 days we'll be prayer walking around the national university campus praying for the students and the needs there. Sunday morning at 6am we'll be marching around 7 times... for the biblical back-up to this check out Joshua 6. So tonight 13 of us set out around the national campus praying and confessing the sins of the various faculties. This was something new for me and I was wondering why exactly I was confessing sins that I hadn't done. But as we were praying and speaking out loud what was happening in the university I really felt that it was bringing these things into the light. Darkness and sin isn't hidden when it's openly confessed and that's exactly what we did tonight on behalf of the students. So as we came to end I just started to pray for forgiveness and that it would begin to roll over this campus. It was a special time and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens this week. Please be praying with us.... all my love.

One more year.... officially.

Found out yesterday afternoon. I'm officially accepted for one more year in Panama. Whoa, it's kinda crazy it'll actually be happening all over again.

Please be continuing to pray for my team and us being here now... but... looking forward to the future, please continue to be praying for the movement here and for the new members of next year's team that are getting prepared to support raise and move. Currently, there are 3 of us ladies accepted and 1 gentleman. Please please please (!!!) pray that one more guy would join the team. I can't imagine the team without at least two guys and I'm praying that God brings us one more... at least, I'd take more if we could get more. God had the dynamic covered on this team totally and I know that it's in his control for next year too.

p.s. took me long enough to figure out how to title these hey??!

My part of my application to re-Stint.

The last 6 months have been full of ups and downs, both as a team but for me individually. But 3 months into Stint when God starting to speak to me about coming back it was honestly the last thing that I wanted to do. Jessica (one of my team members) spoke at a weekly meeting about "running the race" like the finish line was on top of our toes. I was really convicted by that as God spoke to my heart that for me to run like the finish line was any minute I needed to stay another year and to come home to Canada was running like I had 20 more years of ministry. I knew that the decision to stay was the one I needed to make but it still was a little unnerving to me. Stint has been a lot harder than I had ever anticipated. At times I just wanted come home and join what I thought would be a normal staff team somewhere on campus. But in Jeremiah 29 is a letter to the exiles and as I was reading it vs.10 really gave me the peace about making the decision to apply to re-Stint. God says to the exiles, "... I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place (their home)." I feel that's a promise for me to hold onto. Its harder applying to come back another year because I know the struggles that are in store for our team and for the ministry here. More and more I'm coming across verses about the flawless nature Gods word, His faithfulness in His promises and more than that His everlasting love for me. I don't think that I'll really ever understand the depths of any of these 3 characteristics. I could list off the practical and strategic reasons why it's a good idea for me to stay and give this another go and tell story after story of the lessons I've learned here. But in the end its my relationship with God that makes me want to stay. He's placed in my heart a God-given passion for people and daily I learn what that means for my life. But it's His love that gets me up in the morning and turns me in the right direction and places me in the right place when I don't want to move. It's this love thats calling me to stay.

Back home safe and sound in Panama. When we left for the Dominican Republic I thought to myself, "okay, we'll give some training sessions, set up some logistics, get to know the staff... pretty basic stuff." What I wasn't counting on was how much of a missions trip it would be and how critical what were doing would be for the those we came into contact with throughout the trip and also the futures of the students that step onto their campuses, like UASD and PUKMM, the two campuses we spent the majority of our time at.

Tuesday afternoon we were at PUKMM, one the private campuses in the city of Santo Domingo waiting to meet up with Laura and Carlos, two of the key students there. We weren't 100% sure of what we wanted to "do" with them. We wanted to see their hearts for their campus and if they were committed to Vida Estudiantil and all that entailed but had no idea on how to go about doing that. We were thinking about it when Lusanna, our key leader from UASD showed up, followed shortly after by Laura and Carlos. So there we were, sitting with the 3 students that had come out as leaders over the last week. I still remember looking at them and realizing that these three are going to change the world, starting at their schools. Lusanna and Leyla (the campus staff there) are already seeing fruit at UASD and Carlos, Laura and two other students have submitted a letter to their dean at PUKMM requesting permission to start actions as an official club. We had a chance to interview them on video to bring back to Panama and I was truly blown away by their hearts. They see the need on their campuses and instead of just seeing it, they're stepping out in faith to make a difference. It's taking that first step of commitment where everything it is that really starts. They're choosing to believe God has a plan for the students around them, each and every one of them and are acting on that. So just like in Panama, a piece of my heart is there with them, praying for them and standing firm in the promise that God goes after the lost, each and every one of them.

And the Dominican adventures continue... even though half of the team left yesterday back to Panama. I´d had a blast working and training together so it was a little weird this morning to wake up and not have them here with us. But we headed back to UASD this morning and spent the morning talking with students, getting them to fill out questionaires and interviewing them for a video to encourage the Panamanian students to come here to the Dominican. Would you believe that there are 120,000 students on this campus? The question always is... where do you start??

We had a meeting this afternoon with the president of the federation of students. I definately didn´t catch all of what happened in the meeting but I caught enough. Jhon Garcia (the president) was so so open to having Vida Estudiantil on campus and offered to do whatever he could to help us put on events now, and when the Panamanian project comes in November. He was simply a pretty coool guy and after the hour and a half long meeting I think we felt we all knew each other pretty well... We met some amazing students even today and I was so encouraged by the people that God brought into our path. The four of us (Jon, Jessica, Leyla and I) had split up around the entrance to the main library on campus and we chatting with students when an English speaking student named Jason came up and said hello. And then he left before Jess or I could say anything other than we were from Canada. Later on though he came and joined our group and we got to chatting. He´s only 16 and already at the university. He became a Christian 2 years ago and I was so encouraged by his heart. He simply put it this way,¨"Christ set me free and now I want to tell others about him." Doors are opening all over the campus, from the directors to the students and I can´t wait to see what´s in store!

We are in the Dominican Republic!!! We arrived safe and sound yesterday afternoon and I can´t even explain to you the beautiful color of the ocean as we landed. We settled into the retreat center where we will be staying and met up with Layla (the campus staff member we´re working closely with) and headed to the national offices here in Santo Domingo. We then met with the national director, Braulio and heard a little bit about how he became involved in Campus Crusade, some 30 plus years ago. I was really encouraged to see Braulio and Layla again since our time together in Nicaragua and its been a blast already to be here on their home turf. Last night we attended an amazing church service, they have a beautiful new building which is still being constructed and it was a huge blessing to worship and learn with them last night. This morning we headed to UASD, the only public campus in Santo Domingo and both toured thier beautiful (!!!!!) campus and met up with a couple of key students. We were then joined by a pastor and his wife as we continued on the tour and ended up sharing with a group of students outside the sports center. 3 young men prayed to recieve Christ with us this morning and tomorrow we have a chance to follow up with them!! We met up with a Christian group on campus and it was a blast meeting them and seeing what they´re doing already. There´s more to say but we´re training tonight and doing some logistical investigation this afternoon so... please keep us in your prayers, Gods at work in huge ways already!!!!

There's times that I read a passage and think that I've never read it before in my life. I've been sick the last couple of days and curled up on a couch with a cup of tea. Silvia, my awesome discipler, put me on a bible reading plan much to my dismay and so I've been making my slowly through the bible, revisiting a lot and beginning to enjoy the structure that's come with the reading plan. Yesterday I polished off Leviticus, which was actually better than I thought it would be... although I'm still confused by the whole wave offering thing... and started in on Hebrews.

"In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven. So he became as much superior to the angels as the name he has inherited is superior to theirs."
Hebrews 1:1-4

I never remembered Hebrews being so cool before... the first chapters really sets up Jesus to be the Son of God, higher than the angels, greater than Moses and yet like his brothers in coming to the earth as flesh. Reading through the old testament you really get a picture of what it meant to make atonement, to be redeemed and forgiven, but all needing to be done through sacrifice and through a priest. And yet the message Hebrews preaches is one of fulfillment. We don't need to go through a priest because Christ was and is that priest for us complete with a new covenant.
Jesus was the exact representation of God on earth and He came to be our sacrifice once and for all.. that's amazing, and I still haven't wrapped my mind around it all yet, I'm not even close.

Tricia and I were chatting last night about how the next 4 (and a bit) months are going to fly by. We’ve hit the homestretch more or less but it’s really in this final stretch. When we first made it here a year seemed like forever and now I’m in awe of how far we’ve already come, as individuals, a team and a ministry. The next four months hold craziness for this team. From a trip to the Dominican Republic this week, a leadership retreat March 20-22, frosh week March 24-27, follow-up and discipleship throughout April and preparation for the Canadian summer project coming in May and June, there's a lot in the works.

But it got me to thinking... how do we measure time? In Canada for me, seasons were measured by the first snowfall, or the first sprouts of grass pushing up through the ground in the spring. Or now seemingly marked by the varying wares of the street sellers at the corner I walk through every day. Seasons of our lives change just as constantly as the weather. Relationships change as do the seasons and cycles of ministry, of health and of sickness. The ways to “measure” these seasons of our lives are numerous as we look to measure and mark the times in our lives. We look back at the as “a time of growth” or some other phrase explaining where seemingly we “were at” in that year or on the day. Time is always passing and it really makes me aware of how I need to be a good and faithful steward of the next couple months and then into the future as the final push on my first Stint year has really begun!

More and more I'm falling in love with the youth group at my church here. I have the blessing of co-leading an amazing group of grade 10 girls on Wednesday nights! Crossfire (our youth group) is nuts week after week and I absolutely love it! Crossroads (our church) has 3 services every week to sufficed to say its hard getting to know people really well by simply coming Sunday mornings. Every Wednesday night the sanctuary of the church is transformed... the music is louder, led by our awesome students, the crowd is younger and all in all everything 's a little crazier! We break into small groups after the message and some nights I feel like I'm watching these young women grow up in front of me, which has been an absolutely amazing blessing. And so... please take a moment on Wednesday night and pray for all of us!! My hearts desire is to see these students meet with Jesus, not only on a weekly basis but on a daily basis and that more than anything else shaping their lives, it would be their relationship with God that's the driving force of everything they do! With all my love! Chau for now!

Tricia, Jessica and I just got back last night from our second missions experience in the interior of Panama. After a 3 hour bus ride, another hour on a bus and then an hour in the back of a pickup truck made to transport cattle we finally arrived as far into nowhere as I have ever been in my life. The truck dropped us off and we soon discovered there was no running water at all but more importantly there were no people... anywhere. As we unpacked and found a creek to draw water and then cooked "salchichas" panama style I realized that any expectations I had had went completely out the window. As the afternoon drew on the villagers began to congregate for what became a daily game of baseball with rough-hewn bats, a ball made out of something like socks and a triangular and uneven baseball field. Bajo Grande (my first missions experience) was a village that had more access and constant "traffic" through it. And with that came alcoholism and a spirit of depression that was all throughout the village. El Cope was absolutely beautiful, there's really no other words to explain it. The landscape was amazing but more than that the people were amazing. The villagers were full of so much joy and like the sunshine I really think that we all just sensed a completely different attitude in this village.
I began to realize how thankful I was for certain things. Like a concrete floor when I was expecting a dirt floor and running water when I went without it for 5 days. Or the projector finally working and showing the "ancient" 16mm film reels to a village that had never seen a movie. We showed the Jesus film in two parts and even as we announced the film was about to start the villagers dropped their baseball game and were in their seats within minutes. What we found out later was that there are 120 people in the village and 71 of them were at the Jesus film showing. These were families we had worked with and for the previous two days, played baseball with and waved to as we walked by or they rode by on their horses. Time and time again we were asked, "when are you coming back?"
One of the coolest things for me about this missions trip is that it doesn't end when we leave. Tuesday morning we brainstormed and talked about the strengths and the challenges of the villages and what our next step could be. And so in March the plan is to return. This time to bring bibles to the community and teach both the adults and the children about the assurance of salvation and what it means to have a personal relationship with God. The community has a church but no pastor and no bibles or any way of learning more about who God is. The students we went with are committed to changing this village and I believe with all my heart that the first steps are already being taken to do just that.

We survived Frosh week round #1!

The week is coming to an end (finally!!). This morning as the team met up for the daily briefing and prayer time I really think there was a sense of accomplishment and excitement in the air. For me this week has been my first real opportunity to be at Interamericana and to interact with the students there. The students there are amazing! There's definitely a different atmosphere at Interamericana but students are still searching and still open. And so as we all (minus Jon) bumbled through Spanish explanations of the questionnaires and what exactly it is that we do we connected with the students and more than anything put our name out there. We have official club status at Interamericana which is huge and such an amazing blessing!

Please pray now for the follow-up process. A lot of students have showed interest in discipleship and now the challenge is to connect with all of them. But even as carnival starts and the national partying begins God is at work. I know and trust with all heart that God loves these students and has a plan for each and every one of them. The Christians are coming out of seeming nowhere and already people are stepping into place to get this movement off the ground... its already been a blast and we're just starting! :)

If you haven't had a chance to read the last post, check that one out first because this one will make a whole lot more sense with that one two... and so, this is the follow-up to my "quiet revolution" week;

I struggled to write down this week on paper, not knowing quite what was expected and not sure that the things I did learn were what God wanted me to say. I read through 1 Kings 18 and 19 again several times this week and the question that time and time I wrestled with is how do you hear the quiet whisper of Gods voice? When I take time to concentrate on listening, time and time again I feel bombarded with my own doubts, worries or the answers that maybe I’m telling myself. Sometimes I want it to be God’s voice that is the storm because it’s easier to hear fire and earthquakes than a quiet whisper. But it’s that whisper that I long to hear with all my heart. It’s in the middle of the storm and the pain that I believe we really seek God and are willing to struggle to hear His voice. Elijah sees fire fall from heaven and God move in a powerful way. And still he ends up hidden in a cave praying for death, likely praying for anything other than being told to, “go back the way you came.” (1 Kings 19:15). We can’t deny the quiet of Gods voice because in its stillness it’s more powerful as the earthquakes and the fire.

I think more than anything this week I was so much aware of the time that I was or wasn’t choosing to spend with God. I missed my quiet time last night and woke up this morning again thinking about how hard devotional time is to maintain. I was years into my Christian walk before my devotionals had any resemblance of consistency. I was so frustrated with everyone telling me the necessity of devotional time and not seeing it backed up in my life that I gave God an ultimatum. I committed to a daily 2 weeks of devotionals but if he didn`t “show up” in that time I was done, feeling I could honestly say I gave it a good shot. God totally showed up in those two weeks and I still look back at that time as being extremely special to me. I was also being held accountable in my devotional walk and this kept me going through the lows. We have such an awesome opportunity right now; both to grow in our personal devotional walks but also to encourage and help hold each other accountable as we lead this Quiet Revolution. I know how difficult and frustrating it can be to seemingly scream at God and miss the whisper. I’ve been there. My hope and prayer though is that through this you grow closer to God and learn, like we’re all learning, how to hear His whisper. I still don’t have my answer to how we hear it but I know that this week has shown me the necessity of listening even when the answers aren’t what I want to always hear, if I hear anything at all.

The Quiet Revolution...

1 Kings 19:3, 4b
"Elijah was afraid and ran for his life.... He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough Lord," he said, "Take my life, I am no better than my ancestors."

1 Kings 19:11-13
"The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

I love Elijah because he's totally straight up with God. He simply said, "I've had enough," and he prays to die. Now I've never got to that place but there's definitely times where I've laid in bed in the morning and wondered how on earth I was going to drag my exhausted body out of bed and face another day.

As many of you know besides full time campus ministry I also lead a small group of Grade 10 girls at my church youth group, called Crossfire. We had out monthly leaders meeting Friday night and among many things were challenged by our youth pastor to become a part of the quiet revolution. Sometimes in the middle of everything going on in our lives we need to take out to listen for that gentle whisper. We can't hear it in the rushings of the day, we can't hear it when our worries and doubts drown out its gentleness. Our youth pastor Mark explained this all to our group of leaders and then we were all assigned weeks to take part in this. A week where we'd make the effort to take more time than normal for God and to quiet down and listen to him. And so... this week is my week.

One of the blessings of my job is that once a month I get a "day alone with God." A day alone to spend just with the big guy upstairs, my best friend and sure enough for me it's this Thursday, my quiet revolution week. And so I would challenge you guys too... sometime this week take some time out for God. An extra 15 minutes, an hour... whatever you need to do. Lets spend some time this week, slow everything down and focus simply on God and our relationship with him. I'll get back to you on how my week goes, let me know about yours. I would honestly love to hear from you too, may you be blessed this week, I love you all so much!

Well well well.... I'm back in Panama and as we were driving back to the apartment from the airport last night I was was shocked at how normal it felt to be back. The last night I was in Los Angeles I realized that as much as I love what I'm doing and where I am, it gets hard to say good-bye time and time again. So I was thinking about something that really challenged me when I was getting prepared both practically and even emotionally to come on Stint. Jesus says the following and its repeated in 3 out of the 4 gospels.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Matt 16:24

"Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Mark 8:34

"Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23

Jesus knew that the path of carrying our crosses is not always the easiest way to live life and yet daily its the life of surrender that He calls us too. And so as I adjust to being back in my apartment and surrounded by the team I love and the country I love I remember that although its not always easy, its always good.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

And to wrap it up... a major prayer request. This (below) is my "little" brother Lance and I. He's currently in the Canadian military and I just found out last night that he's on stand-by to leave for Afghanistan. He could be there in 5 days. Its a scary thing... and yet I know that God is in control, even when things are out of my hands, they're held completely safe in His. Please pray for his safety.

A centurion's faith, a widow's son and a possessed man....

In Luke 7:1-10 a centurion sends the Jewish elders to Jesus to request for Jesus to come and heal his valued servant. He does this because he feels that he is not worthy of coming to Jesus himself (vs.7) and yet, Jesus states that it is his faith that is greater than any that he had even found in all of Israel (vs.9). It made me think... we're never worthy to come to Jesus, our sin has messed that up, and yet He comes to us. People (like the elders in this story) come to Jesus on our behalf by praying and interceding for us, but its Jesus who himself decides to come and act and our faith impacts that.

At the same time though I think that our circumstance is a big part of things. Continuing on in Luke 7:11-17, Jesus raises the son of a widow from the dead. In vs.13 it says that, "when the Lord saw her (the widow) his heart went out to her and he said, "Don't cry."" He raises the young man from the dead and "Jesus gave him back to his mother." (vs.15). Time and time again when Jesus heals throughout the New Testament it says that he does this in response to faith (Luke 8:48 for example), whether spoken or simply in the eyes and the actions of the people desiring and more than that believing to be healed. Here there's no talk of the widow's faith, simply that the Lord's heart went out to her and he acts on that.... I think it's absolutely beautiful. How many times do I let my heart be broken and act based on circumstance? Not enough.

This morning I read the story in Luke 8:26-39 when Jesus healed a demon possessed man and again the idea of circumstance came up. In vs. 27 it says "for a long time this man had not worn clothes or lived in a house, but had lived in the tombs." This in itself is a physical manifestation of our spiritual brokeness without Christ. In Rev 3:17 it talks about this condition and how, "You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked." This man was naked, homeless and living among the dead, and in a tortured state, he knew his condition and the demons themselves were scared when Jesus came to cast them out (vs.28-29). The sin in our lives is shameful in light of the glory of Christ, but yet there was healing for this man (vs.35) and there is healing for us.

Jesus said in Isaiah 61:1-3 "The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeanace of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty in instead of ashes, the oil of gladness, instead of mourning, and a garment of praise,instead of a spirit of despair."

The joy of my life is that I don't have to live in my broken state of sin. Jesus came to take us out of our condition and he counsels us to come to him and "to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see." (Rev 3:18). Jesus acts in response to our faith, he acts in response to our circumstance and he acts in response to our brokenness but we still need to come to him and let ourselves be healed.

Just wanted to say I hope you're all having a very Merry Christmas!! We've been singing Christmas carols which has been great... other than "let it snow, let it snow, let it snow," just doesn't ring as true as it could.... see you all soon, I need to go put turkey in the oven!! Love you all so much!(Jessica, Emily, Tricia and I at Casca Viejo

before the Christmas cantata at Teatro Nacional.)

Kinda a weird note today but I was thinking all the cab drivers in this city. This week more so than normal I've been in cabs all over the city. My grasp of Spanish has improved vastly from 4 months ago and its too the place I can actually have a conversation that makes some sense. It's just been nutty, but my first conversation that made me giggle was when the cab driver kept asking me why I didn't speak french and I was Canadian... then I had a cab driver recite me poetry about the sunshine when I asked him how his day was. And then today one driver put in english hip-hop when we got in and the next driver, with his 5 or 6 words in English called the traffic in Panama crazy and then proceeded to tell us in Spanish how his day was better because Jess and I were in the cab. I love being able to converse with the men that more or less make this city how it is. They just crack me up.

Tuesday night after a freezing cold bus ride (seriously, I had 2 shirts and a hoody on and still froze...) the western half of our team (Jessica, Steve and I) returned from a vision trip to the interior city of David. Before we left I really had no idea of what we were doing or going to do. Sure I had a list of smart sounding questions and concerns to be addressed but I really wasn't sure how it was going to play out. But we had an amazing trip!

One of the things that we really focused on was what we called the "current reality": whats really going on with the campus ministry, who's involved, how many are involved, on what campus etc. etc. etc. Quickly it became apparent that the current reality is really quite simple, there's no campus movement. But (!!!!) it doesn't end there, because more than anything I was encouraged by what we did find, a framework for the future campus movement. 3 young men, students on the 2 public universities that have a heart for reaching their campus and are committed to being a support if we're able to send a team of canadians there this summer. A dedicated group of volunteers that desire to see a movement started. A super friendly dean at the tecnologica university and seemingly open doors at Unachi, the other public and priority university. Both of the public university campuses are great and the atmosphere there is so similar to what it is in Panama city at the national campus.

It really took me aback and excited me when I realized something. What the campuses look like in David now is what the Universidad de Panama looked like 2 or 3 years ago. And yet look what God's doing, I get the blessing of seeing that day after day as I step onto campus and work with the students. And so the groundwork is getting set, the framework laid out and the campuses waiting for the Canadian team, but more than that, waiting for God to move and a movement to begin.

Wow... Christmas is coming and as we set up a Christmas tree and cut out snowflakes for our apartment there's a Christmas word that keeps coming up and up... Emmanuel. And so I want to introduce you all to my "guest editor," my roomate Jess who's going to write this with me...

"K so Jess tell me about the fish..."

"So imagine that you own a fish tank. You buy the pretty black and white rocks for your crazy expensive filter, you buy the nice light, you fill the tank with colorful rocks and different kinds of plants. You even feed them..."

"Feed who Jess...??"

"But when you go to feed them what happens??"

"Yay but who are we feeding?"

"The fish. Okay so, the fish, we're feeding them. And what usually happens Lindsey?"

"The fish hide, especially when I go to the boys and feed their fish. They just swim away from me."

"Okay, so how would you convey to these fish that you love them... when they just swim away from you?"

"I don't know, because I can't explain to the fish that I love them. They're fish??"

"I know they're fish, but what if you became a fish?? What if you swam among them? What if you weren't just a big looming figure over the tank? But you were a fish?? Someone they could relate too, someone who could speak their language."

Sooo... moral of the story if this. We're little fish in a big huge ocean that is this world. We have no idea how big God is and there's no way that we can get any comprehension of how big he is... but on the flip side how much he loves us. That is... until we look at Jesus. Man.. Jess and I are just blown away by this. I mean think about it... God, almighty, all powerful, omnipotent God became a fish. A little tiny helpless baby boy... and why??? Yes to save us from our sins... but also to show us how much he loved us and for us to be able to relate to him!!! There was no way he could do that as a huge lurking shadow, he had to become like us, like a little fish so that we could see the truth. So that we could learn straight from God, everything God said as a man is in the bible, its the only time that he was able to communicate with us, man to man, fish to fish. Jess saw a little baby in church on Sunday as we sang, "Emmanuel, Emmanuel, God is with us." There was no better and no other way for God to show us himself, than to simply come and be with us.

And so as Christmas comes remember this... we're little fish, but we have a loving Heavenly Father that knows exactly what its like to be us.