lessons.

I've been learning a lot over the last couple of weeks. And if anything getting more and more of a perspective on how deeply the last 10 months in Panama has both affected me and changed me. I've been visiting supporters over the last weeks and hearing over and over, "you've changed," even though no one's really been able to nail down what exactly it is that's different. Even though I feel like the same person I know that there's something different.

I think more than anything this year I've learned both the beauty and the pain in the necessity of communication. I've never liked to talk about feelings, ever since I've been little. I'd rather bury my own emotions and deal with them on my own than bringing other people in. But this year I was really forced to examine this and change this. Communication is so very vital to any relationship and I know that as a team we learned this over and over again. I don't like confrontation and again this year I had to learn that it was okay. I don't really like rocking the boat so to speak but I learned that sometimes its necessary.

Another blessing from this year was simply being a part of what God's done and is continuing to do in Panama. I look back at all the crazy things that happened but through all the mass events I can see how clearly God was orchestrating every single tiny event. How He's deeply changing so many lives around me. So even as I come back and am still trying to figure out whats different in me, I know that He's changed those around me and it was a humbling blessing to get to be a little part of that.

perspective

Well.. finally made it back not only to the motherland but also to where I grew up. I was saying to a friend how even though I haven't lived in High River for 5 years it's still home. My soul is simply at peace here. It's been great to be back and exciting to see old friends and connect with everyone here. I'm not in Canada for long but I'm looking forward to treasuring the moments I do have here.

I've been realizing over the last couple of days how big of a role our perspective plays in the our attitudes, but also in our emotions and how that overflows into our everyday actions. I was thinking about our budget for stint and as I thought about how much we needed to raise I started to get scared. Scared that the money wouldn't come it. Scared that I wouldn't be able to return to Panama for another year. And then I realized something. I had taken my focus off of God. I was looking at this sum, impossible by any means of my own and letting it scare me, instead of looking at God in all His strength and sovereignty. If we look at circumstances, whatever they are and take our focus off of God everything changes. If we're not looking at God we forget who we are in Christ, our positions as sons and daughters and more importantly that nothing is impossible with God. Think of David and Goliath or Daniel in the lions den. Circumstances were scary but... they looked to God to pull them through in spite, and in the midst of everything. It's something I need to remember every day, my perspective needs to be based in Christ, in every moment and every action. I simply need to look at Him and to Him.